What I’ve Learned Throughout Motherhood So Far: What’s Gotten Me Through & What I Wish I Knew Sooner

I’ve been a mom for 17 years now...closer to 18. That number alone blows my mind sometimes. Especially when I remember I had my first at 19 years old. A baby raising a baby. I’ve come a long way since then. This journey of motherhood has been filled with highs, lows, realizations, hard truths, vulnerable moments, awakenings, and constant evolving.

But through it all, one thing has remained steady—love. That’s been the foundation since day one. And while the love for my children never wavered, I can’t lie...the love for myself? That one took time.

Motherhood Will Push You to Grow

Motherhood pushes you. It stretches you. You suddenly have someone depending on you for everything, and that’s not something I ever took lightly. It forced me to grow, to mature, to show up even when I didn’t feel ready. And ironically enough, becoming a mom is what helped me find myself. But that didn’t happen overnight. In the beginning, I was still trying to figure out who I was. I didn’t have enough life experience. I was growing with my child.

My oldest was, in many ways, the guinea pig. The “trial and error” child. The one I made the most mistakes with—not because I didn’t love him, but because I didn’t know better. There’s no manual for parenting. You learn as you go. And every kid is different, so what worked for one might not work at all for the others.

As I’ve gained more experience, I’ve looked back at my younger self with both compassion and guilt. Especially for my oldest son. He got the most broken version of me—immature, not fully healed, lacking wisdom and discernment. And even though I know I did the best I could with what I had, that mom guilt still lingers sometimes.

Grace Is a Must

I’ve learned to extend grace—not just to my own mother, who I now see through a whole new lens—but to myself. That grace is essential. We moms are so hard on ourselves. We carry the weight of everyone and everything, and then criticize ourselves for not doing more.

Grace means allowing ourselves to be human. To mess up. To learn. To rest. To love ourselves in the process.

My Spirituality Holds Me Down

One of the biggest things that’s kept me grounded throughout this journey has been my spirituality. Knowing I’m not alone. Knowing I was made for this, but also knowing I’m still me. There have been so many days when I was running on empty—mentally, emotionally, physically—and I’ve leaned on God to carry me through.

Motherhood can feel lonely, and for a lot of my journey, it did feel lonely. I questioned everything—if I was doing too much, not enough, if I was going crazy. I didn’t understand why I felt the way I did. That’s actually one of the reasons I started creating content...to help other moms realize: you’re not crazy. We just go through a lot. And we’re not always supported the way we should be.

Opposite Feelings Can Coexist

Another thing I’ve learned? Opposite feelings can live side by side. I can love being a mom and miss the care-free version of myself. I can love my family and fantasize about being alone on a deserted island. And that doesn’t make me a bad mom. It makes me human.

Podcasts, Books, and Real Talk Helped Me Understand Myself

I can’t stress enough how much mom podcasts, self-improvement books, and just honest conversations have helped me understand myself better—not just as a mom, but as a woman. A person. We go through real physical, emotional, and mental shifts. It’s not being dramatic. It’s biology, hormones, trauma, and so much more.

Society puts so much pressure on us to be perfect moms while looking perfect and doing it all. I’ve learned to tune all of that out. That’s one thing I really want to stress to new moms: block out the noise. Society will always have something to say—too much screen time, not enough screen time, breastfed, bottle-fed, stay-at-home, working, whatever. You’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

So here’s my advice: you know what’s best for you and your family. Period.

Find Your People (Even If It’s Just One or Two)

Having other moms to talk to—who truly get it—makes a huge difference. For a long time, I kept everything to myself. I thought that’s just what you do as a mom: serve your family, be grateful, and stay silent about the hard parts. But now I know better.

Turns out, the feelings I was scared to admit? A lot of moms feel them too. We just don’t say them out loud. So I’ve been saying them—with my content, with my blog, and even by starting my own mom group chat. It’s been like therapy. It’s been freeing. It’s been healing.

Don’t Forget About You

Please don’t lose yourself in the process. For too long, I thought motherhood meant putting myself on the back burner. But all that did was leave me burnt out. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you deserve to be poured into too.

Even if it’s just 10 minutes a day, take that time. You matter. You’re setting the example for your kids of what self-worth and self-love look like. Everyone benefits when mama is good.

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If You're a New Mama, Please Hear This...

If you feel like you’ve lost yourself...
If you feel alone, overwhelmed, unseen...
If you’re nurturing everyone but no one is nurturing you...
If you miss your old life and feel guilty about it...

It’s okay. You are not broken. You’re in the middle of a transformation. It does get better—but only if you show up for yourself too. That’s not selfish. That’s essential.

You are allowed to be a mom and still be a whole person. You matter.

So drown out the noise. Give yourself grace. And remember: showing up for yourself is one of the most powerful ways you can show up for your family.

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With love, truth, and a whole lot of grace,

𝐿𝑒𝓉𝓈 𝒵𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑒 𝑀𝑜𝓂𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓈𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃𝓈